Happy 2013

 

 

I cannot believe how fast life goes by. I always start blogs with the best of intentions but then soon realize I probably dont have much of anything to share with anyone lol. Im not going to find fame and fortune because I write incredibly entertaining stories. But I guess I dont need to write for anyone else but me. Lately Ive been feeling like my memory is slowly getting worse. So if I write stuff down I can look back on it for my own benefit. Currently Adam is deployed in the persian gulf. And I am the most resentful navy wife in the navy. I cried everyday for a month before he left and mourned the loss of his presence for exactly 64 days before I actually got through a day with out crying.

 

Sometimes I am okay and sometimes I feel like this deployment is tearing us apart and by the time he gets home "home" wont be with me because we will have ended us. I am depressed every single day. At best Im a little sad, at worst I have self destructive thoughts...I dont feel like he misses me anywhere near as much as I miss him. I wish I wasnt so dependant on him for my happiness because I know my happiness is not on his list of priorities. The only good part about deployment is sending care packages. I love making themed boxes and filling them with treats and things he can only get from home. I wish he made the effort to send me things. Ive only received 2 letters in 160 days. Granted we do email but theres just something about having a letter from him with his hand writing on it that makes my heart happy. Ive tried telling him that but I guess he just doesnt understand.

 

We are closer to his home coming now then his going away so I have been getting excited about his welcome home party im planning and flying out to hawaii when the ship is there for tiger cruise. I am currently on a break from my job as an at home day care provider to get my anemia in check my iron is really low and the pills werent working. I was burnt out with that job anyway. I just couldnt be stuck in the house any more with 2 two year olds, 2 one year olds and my three old. I was pulling my hair out but never stopped providing care because I didnt want to feel like a failure so I just kept working until they all moved away. and once they were gone I went on leave.

 

I love having my days back! Alexis and my relationship has improved. Before she was acting out and I just wanted to give her away! I couldnt take her hitting me and yelling at me anymore. But I know now that she did it because I gave all my attention to the babies and not her and she missed me.

She is starting prek soon and I am so excited for her I look forward to all the ways she will learn and grow. Kaitlyn is my little beauty. We still go in every 3 months to check for tumor growth and it is a huge stress on our family still. We are so thankful that for now she isnt in need of treatment, but its torture living a couple months at a time, never knowing what the next MRI will show. She is so beautiful, smart and amazing. Jacob has been in braces since September and that was the best decision I have ever made. His confidence has greatly increased now that his overbite is no longer so pronounced. He smiles more! Of all the kids he has the hardest time with his daddy being deployed. Hes out numbered in a house full of girls and I often catch him crying. He wants to start base ball when Adam gets back and I am really excited about that.

 

Ive started going back to the gym. I had stopped for like 5 months. Just got lazy I guess. I didnt gain weight but everything is jiggly again so I need to work hard and be ready to sport my bikini in a few months. I feel like I really want to go back to college. Its been 11 years since I was there. I feel like it would help me feel like Im worth something. I loved learning and filling my head with knowledge. I got straight As pretty much my whole life. Its would be such a waste to not continue on an academic path. Adam is already a college grad. I have to be one too! Im just not sure where I want to go or what I will have the time and money for.

 

At least I still read. I just started the mortal instrument series and I love it. I know its a young adult book but all the thirty somethings ladies around me are reading shades of gray and no offence but I am not into that weird kinky stuff or guys treating my like a piece of meat. I hate with way men use women. We are objectified on so may levels. Its almost heart breaking and I fear the future that my daughters face, I hope they stay close to the gospel and keep the holy ghost close to them.

 

So....I need to go file my taxes now. My fingers are itching for some $$$.  

I know its been a while.

This is our family during Easter this year. I loved getting matching dresses for the girls. Jacob has been doing an awesome job in tball this year. He's the best hitter!




I am terrible at writing in my journal, so I guess its to be expected that my blog would be the same. Over these last few months I have just been keeping busy as my life revolves around my kid's lives. Jacob has been in tball and Kaitlyn has been doing stuff for preschool like every month. One great event I wanted to touch upon that we were involved in this weekend was the Relay for Life event over at Hueneme High. Kaitlyns teacher Sally organized the entire thing. Our family just showed up and enjoyed the day. It was really uplifting hear the stories and the strength of other cancer survivors. We were given free lunch and played fun games. It was so amazing to see how many people from school and our ward showed up to support this event and my daughter. The kids dont have too much more school left. They will be done is less than two months.
At Kaitlyns last 2 MRIs the doctors have discovered a legion that may or may not be a tumor. So we just have to sit and play the worst kind of waiting game and try to function as best we can. Its hard though. Worrying keeps me up most nights and during the day I have a huge knot in my stomach. I am looking forward to Jacobs 7th birthday coming up next weekend. Its at a local lazertag place. I guess thats all from my little family. If anyone wants to contact me the best place is currently facebook. Just search Tiffany Bedard. Until later!

Happy Holidays

Recently we celebrated Kaitlyns 4th birthday and it was so much fun. My friend Jeanna graciously agreed to make the cake and as you can see did an awesome job! I could have never done anything so pretty. I love Kaitlyn so much and know that every day is a blessing and every year is a reason to give thanks and celebrate. Her last MRI in November was clear. Her next is in February. She might have actually beat this thing! I have prayed on my knees begging God for this very thing. I hope my prayers have finally been recieved. I am getting super excited about Christmas. $ has been tight and we didnt know how much of a christmas we were actually gonna be able to give our kids. At least I was able to find what they asked Santa for in their letters to him. So he wont let them down. We are also currently on the recieving end of a 12 days of christmas secret santa. I had actually wanted to do it for another family but never had the money to. Ive never seen the kids get so excited. Every night when they here that door bell ring they get big smiles and race to the door. This little adventure has brought some christmas spirit to my heart where currently I really wasnt feeling much at all. So whom ever is doing this for us now thank you so much. One more week till christmas yikes! I will be at my sisters house. It should be fun. Somber at some point since it will be the first xmas without my Dad. Anyway. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday.

Loving the fall

I know its been a while since I have written last but not much has really been going on. Now that the kids are in school all of my days are blending into one another. I have volunteered to be a room parent for Jacobs class. Kaitlyn still tells me every day how much she loves preschool, and Alexis is all over the place and into everything too. I am loving the fall. Cool mornings and the changing colors. Its by far my favorite season. I hope all of you are doing well too. I will drop by probably after Halloween with pictures. Jake wants to be iron man, Kaits going to be a princess and so is Alexis. Take care!

Plumerias and Cinnamon Rolls

I kept telling myself that I couldnt wait to move from Hawaii and I missed California way to much to ever care to return to the islands, but actually Ive taken the Aloha Spirit with me and on occasion longed for certain things. So a few months back I purchased a plumeria stalk at a local festival. Planted it in cactus soil and set it on my front porch where it would get the most sun. Well for weeks and weeks it stayed a stick and then all of a sudden red horns began to poke up which eventually turned into leaves, and then swirly horns began to grow which a few days ago finally opened to reveal the beautiful bloom that was within. Not to bust the sale persons chops but she did sell me the wrong one. I dont mind though because I worked and waited so hard for this plant to thrive that I love it so much. I want it to grow and grow into a beautiful tree, and then when Adam and I finally settle down in our own home one day I will plant this tree as a reminder of our wonderful time we spent in the beauty that was Hawaii.
Saturday is breakfast day in our house so I attempted to make cinnamon rolls from scratch. Thankfully I was successful and 3 hours later my family grubbing on gooey goodneess.
Have a safe and happy Labor Day weekend all.

A new tooth!

Alexis finally cut her first two bottom teeth a few days short of her being 7 months. I love those cute little teeth. I love when the top come in more and babies have Spongebob smiles. Haha. She is also crawling all over the place and pulling her self up too, and before we know it she will be walking. Its so exciting. Recently we all took a trip over to the Ventura County Fair to spend some time having fun before school started. There was this ride that Jacob was totally freaking out about not going on and so Kaitlyn said she'd do it. It was not scary and all and a crack up to watch.

Lastly, here is a pic of the kids starting their first day of school. They both are doing great. I like Jacobs first grade teacher, and Kaitlyn comes hoem with all sorts of fun stories and songs that she is learning. Its wonderful. Well Alexis is really squirming in my lap here so I will have to continue at another time.

Kaitlyns MRI

Today we all went down to CHLA to have another routine MRI to scan Kaitlyns brain and spine with and without contrast to make sure that no new tumor growth has occured and thankfully she came back with good results again. I really was scared this time. I had gotten into the habit of hearing so much bad news that for a while I lost hope and began to just expect bad news. Kaitlyns oncology team really has done their best for her. They will continue following her for the rest of her life. With this good news we are able to start the school year with hope and joy. Kaitlyn will be in preschool in 8 more days yay! I just need to figure out the potty training thing, but it may be a medical issue that is out of her control. We will just have to deal with it day by day. Thank you to all the thoughts and prayers of my family and friends. I am so grateful to the Lord for blessing my baby and hearing my prayers. I need to go to bathe the kiddies now. Have a good night everyone.